Looking Back and Moving Forward
by EmeraldDominicana
Summary: When too many drinks pair with a long-time desire, Canada can't resist his new 'houseguest'. But what will happen when heaven turns to hell, and can he put all of the pieces together before his love is lost forever? (Warning: Human names, first ever fic, yaoi, some lemons, angst later, and extreme length.)
1. Prologue

**_Author's Note: I do not own Hetalia or any of the characters used. I only own the plot and ideas. This is my very first fanfiction ever so please be kind. I openly accept constructive criticism of any kind, taking your time to tell me what you think means a whole lot. Thank you very much for reading. _**

**_Warnings: Lemons in later chapters, first fanfic, yaoi, boys love, angst._**

**_Prologue_**

As I sit in my room, my eyes already accustomed to the darkness, I can't help but think. It's a month after my birthday now and my head is filled. I never thought so much could happen in a single year. I never thought I would feel this way again and it's almost too much for me to bear anymore. I know it's before dawn and I'm still wondering where he is. I lay back and stare up at the ceiling feeling a soft, warm, fluffy creature crawl onto the bed next to me ,"Hmmm~", he muses, his soft, high voice touching my ears for a moment.

"Hey there." I reply to his look and sit up again, pulling him into my lap and stroking his fur. I lean back against the cold headboard of my large bed and stare at the wall, stroking him out of pure reflex and let my mind wander off to what's been devouring me for weeks. And I continued to wish over and over: _Let it be a lie. Let it be a dream. Please…I can't take anymore..I beg you..Bring back the love of my life…What did I do wrong? Why did he have to leave me? Why? _


	2. Chapter 1

**_Part 1_**

**_Chapter 1_**

I gathered my notes from the meeting and went to my hotel room. I left a little bit after the others since I normally didn't talk to many people. When I was halfway down the hall I saw Al turn around and face me, weird. He told Arthur to wait a minute and walked over to me. I stopped when he did and waited for him, this better not be him hitting me up for something.

"Hey bro!" His voice was just as loud as usual.

"Hey..." I shifted my things and purposefully turned a bit away from him. He didn't notice of course.

"Dude! Are you coming to the club with us tonight? Everyone's going! You are coming right?"

I suppressed a sigh and was about to reply when Papa and Arthur came over to us.

"America, who are yo-" Arthur bumped into me and blinked, looking me over," Oh, sorry Canada. I didn't see you there."

Papa shook his head and pushed Arthur aside, standing next to me ,"Jerk Britain, how did you not see him?"

I didn't say anything, they didn't usually acknowledge me that often, despite the popular belief they were my family.

"Mon petit Matthieu are you coming with us?" He smiled at me.

I didn't want to disappoint him so I nodded," Oui, I'm coming Papa."

He smiled wider and nodded back at me," Bon! I'll see you zhen. I assume you'll be changing?" Arthur and Al looked at us, not talking.

"Oui, I am." I nodded again.

"Kay! See you then bro!" Al grinned and grabbed Arthur, going down the hall.

I turned to Papa," What club is it?" I didn't want to go to the wrong place.

"Oh, I have zhe directions in my room. Come with me." He took my hand and started to walk. I followed him of course and didn't say anything. Kuma walked beside us.

Several minutes later we got to his room, very close to mine. I waited as he opened the door and held it for me.

"Merci papa." I thanked him and went in waiting by the door. He came in as well and went to a desk against the wall, picking up a piece of paper and taking a moment to read it. I opened my journal and took out a pen. I turned to a not-completely-filled page and waited as he came back over.

"It's zhe Around Zhe World Club." He said as he read it over again.

I wrote it down, smiling slightly at the irony of the name ," Okay. I have GPS so I'll be able to find it. Merci papa. I'll see you later."

"Oui, pas de quoi mon petit. I'll see you zhen." He smiled and led me out.

I went a short way down the hall and opened my door, Kuma going in before me. I closed the door and put my things away. Checking the time, I decided I had enough time to really get ready. I undressed, took off my glasses and went into the bathroom, turning on the water and getting in. I let out a sigh as the hot water washed over my head and body, relaxing a bit. The meeting had been typical, a lot of arguing, yelling and not much being accomplished. I took the sponge and worked up a lather, rubbing myself and closing my eyes. After washing that off I just stood under the water for a few more minutes, it was so relaxing. I turned off the water and took a towel from the shiny, metal shelf next to the shower and unfolded it. As I dried myself I thought about what to wear. I didn't go out like this that often so I wasn't sure I had the appropriate attire for the occasion. Maybe a dress shirt? I didn't know. I towel-dried my hair, looking in the fogged mirror at my own reflection, "I'm Canada..." I quietly said to the figure looking back at me. I wrapped the towel around my waist and left. Kuma was sitting on the bed, staring out the window. I smiled at him and went to my suitcase in the corner. I looked through it and found a black dress shirt and a pair of jeans. I put them on the bed and turned the TV for Kuma.

After getting dressed I looked in the mirror as I brushed through my hair,"Do you wanna come Kuma?" I asked, not looking at him.

"Hmmm~ who are you?" He asked.

I sighed slightly, turning to face him ,"I'm Canada."

"Okay." He replied.

"Let's go then." I turned off the TV, and picked him up, hugging him to my chest and walking out. I locked the door behind me and went to Papa's door. I knocked and called out ,"Papa? Are you in there? I'm ready.."

"Oui! Mon petit! One moment!" He called back.

He was probably preening. I waited outside for a few minutes before he opened the door.

He was wearing a white dress shirt, slick dark dress pants, brown, pointed shoes, and had a jacket over his shoulder. His hair was also tied up in a ponytail with a ribbon. He smiled at me," How about I help you find a girlfriend?"

I shook my head," No it's fine papa..."

"Mon petit! You're always alone! You need to find someone." He put a hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head again," I'm okay, really."

He shook his head smiling," I'll find you someone. You can just be with her for the night." He smiled seductively.

I blushed slightly and shook my head," No papa...I'm not interested..."

"Onhonhonhon~ Really?" He squeezed my shoulder.

"Should we go?" I really just wanted to change the subject.

He nodded ," Oui. Do you want to go together?"

I thought for a moment," Well, if you pick up a girl I don't want to be in the way..." I knew that was typical for him.

He laughed ," True."

We both started to walk down the hall, not saying much. I knew Papa was used to my quiet disposition, so I didn't feel the urge to just talk for the sake of it.

We got to the parking lot door ," I'll see you at the club."

He nodded," Oui, see you zhen." I watched him go into the lot.

Once he was several yards away I went in myself and went to my car. I put Kuma in the passenger seat and buckled him in. I got in my side and started the car, programming my GPS and driving off. I put on some music and found Papa driving out. I followed him to a main street and eventually got to the club. I parked next to him," Well...here we are." I got out and took Kuma, going in with them.


	3. Chapter 2

**_Chapter 2_**

The bouncer knew papa by first name. I waited as they talked.

"Francis! I haven't seen you in a while!" He grinned and hugged papa, slapping his back.

"Mon frere!" He hugged him back, smiling happily as well.

"I saw the others going in! You looking for anyone?"  
"A beautiful girl of course! Or more than one..." They both laughed.

I shook my head slightly, smiling a bit.

The bouncer turned and looked at me," Oh hello. Are you with Francis?"

I nodded ," Yeah...I'm with him..." I was used to that.

He cupped his ear and leaned a bit toward me," Huh?"

Papa laughed and pushed him back," Oui, mon frère. He's with me."

The bouncer nodded," Okay…He your brother or something?"

Papa shook his head," Non. He's my son."

The bouncer looked at me," Really?" He looked at me a bit closer," You do look like him."

I nodded, not really knowing what to say to that.

He looked back to papa," Well, go on in. I'll see if I can meet up with you later, Francis."

"Oui, mon frere I'll be looking for you." Papa hugged him one last time and we both went in.

The loud, pumping music hit me like a slap, the intense base jerking my pulse to its beat. I could barely see with all the strobe lights and effects. I held Kuma to me, wanting to cover my ears, but unable to. There were enough people for me to be concerned about losing him. Papa greeted various people as he made his way to the bar. I followed and sat, no one looking at me. I pondered for a moment why I even came here. I didn't really know. I looked around and saw Italy, Japan, Germany, Russia and China. Al was at another end of the bar with Arthur, both of them drinking. I saw some others: The Nordics, all drinking together with Denmark smoking something with Netherlands. I saw Belgium, Hungary and Lichtenstein talking, Switzerland nearby. After a few minutes of looking around I saw that Papa got with Spain and, maple, Prussia. I didn't want to have to talk to him so I waved at the bartender. He actually noticed and came over to me, cleaning a cup," What can I get for you?" He asked me.

"Can I have a-"

"He'll have a beer, Raphael." Prussia cut me off.

I didn't turn around, too afraid of facing him. I would act like an idiot.

I heard Spain and Papa laugh behind me as Raphael put a mug of beer in front of me, handing one to Prussia who leaned on the bar next to me ,"Hey you're Francis' son right?"

I felt my face start to grow hot ,"Yes…"

He laughed and took a long draft from the mug, eying me.

I saw him out of the corner of my eye, not picking up the mug. I knew what would happen if I started drinking, I would end up drunk and pass out.

He put the mug down and looked at me," You're not drinking?"

I shook my head," No..." I felt my ears starting to burn.

He laughed," Vhy not?" He pushed the mug closer to me," You came here to sit out?"

I still didn't know why I came here so I didn't say anything.

He shook his head," Francis, vhat did you do to zis boy?"

Papa looked at him then me," He's always been zhis way mon frère."

I looked at the mug, I still don't want it.

Kuma looked up at me," Hmmm~ What's in there?"

I looked back down at him," It's beer..."

"Aren't you gonna drink it?" He asked me.

"No Kuma, I don't drink." I answered him, shaking my head.

Prussia looked at me," You don't?...Vell now you do." He put the mug right in front of me and tried to grab Kuma.

I pulled back, my ears burning," P-Please don't." I would give anything to be out of this situation.

Like he read my mind Cuba came up behind me," Oye! Mi amigo!"

I turned around and smiled a bit," Hey Carlos."

He grinned at me," Come on! Let's go have fun! You're not having fun are you."

I shook my head slightly," Well, not a lot..."

He shook his head," You won't have any fun with him here." He pointed at papa.

I shifted Kuma," It's really not a proble-"

"He vas drinking vith us." Prussia cut me off again.

Cuba looked at him," Canada doesn't drink."

I sighed and waited, they weren't going to listen to me anyway. I tried to avoid looking at Prussia as they argued.

"Vhy vouldn't he? He came to the club, ja?" Prussia countered.

Cuba shook his head," No, he doesn't drink. He doesn't even normally go to these places anyway."

Prussia looked at me," Really? You don't go clubbing?"

I bit the inside of my lip and nodded.

Cuba took my hand and pulled me up to stand," Come on mi amigo, let's find something to do." He started to walk.

I followed him, not saying anything, through the crowd of people. Most of them didn't take notice of me. He brought me to a booth and we sat down.

"How was the meeting for you?" He asked me, waving over a waitress.

"It was okay...nothing much different really." I looked up as she came up to our booth," What can I get for you two?" She looked at me. I saw Cuba grin.

"You know what I like amigo. Order for us." He was still grinning.

I looked at her," I'll just have a virgin pina colada...and he'll have rum."

She nodded,"A virgin pina colada and rum?" She repeated back to me, not even looking at Cuba.

"Yes..." I replied and she left.

Cuba grinned at me," She thinks you're cute."

I felt my face growing hot again," No..."

He laughed," Ah mi amigo you know she did."

I held Kuma in my lap and looked at him.

He looked up at me," Your face is getting red."

"What?" I felt my ears burning.

Cuba laughed," He's right."

I looked back up as she came back with their drinks," Thank you, Carly." I said, using the name sewed into her uniform.

She giggled," You're very welcome." She put my drink down in front of me and handed Cuba his.

I put Kuma next to me and took a sip, noting she was still here.

Cuba nudged me under the table; he wanted me to offer her something. I knew it.

"..Would you like me to buy you a drink?" I tried not to seem too nervous, or let the thoughts of past occurrences like this blur my judgement.

She smiled," That's nice of you. Are you sure?"

Cuba was grinning and taking long drafts from his drink.

I nodded," Sure...would you rather go to the bar? Or.."

She giggled again," Oh, the bar is just fine."

I stood," I can take you if you want."

She nodded and hooked her arm into mine, I knew I was turning red, I could feel my face burning. I walked with the bar where papa, Spain and Prussia still were. Papa was talking to a group of girls with Prussia while Spain talked to the bartender.

Papa saw me and grinned," Onhonhonhon~ so you did find a girl. I knew you would mon petit."

She looked at me," You know him? He comes here all the time! Are you his brother?"

"Actually I'm his son." I answered her, hoping I didn't sound rude.

"Oh, you look like one of the other guys that likes to hang around here...uhm..Alfred I think. But you do look like him." She said.

"What do you like to drink?" I sat at the bar, noting Cuba was holding Kuma a little ways away, smiling at me.

"A gin and tonic?" She asked.

"Sure." I nodded," Bartender?" I waved and he came over. I could tell he wasn't Raphael.

"Yeah? What can I get for you?" He asked, looking at me then her.

"A gin and tonic for her please?" I said and felt her loop her arm in mine again I blushed a tiny bit, not looking at her.

He looked at us and gave her the drink," Here you go Carly." He said to her then looked at me," You okay?"

I could feel my face was warm," Yeah, I'm fine."

She giggled," Oh, he'll be fine with me Shaun."

He shook his head," Yeah, right. Do you know him from somewhere?" He asked her.

Honestly, being referred to in third person as if I wasn't even there bothered me, but I never said anything about it.

"No, I was serving him at one of the booths. He's Francis' son and I think he's Al's brother too. Or maybe Arthur's"

He looked at me," Are you?"

I thought for a moment," Actually, I'm Francis' son, Arthur's and Al's brother." I said, just trying to sound matter-of-fact.

"Really? They come here all the time...do you come with them often?" He asked me.

She just sipped her drink and looked at us, mostly me I noted.

"Actually no, I've never been here..." I answered as Cuba sat next to me, talking to another bartender. I took Kuma who was starting to squirm and sat him in my lap.

She looked at Kuma, smiling and put her drink down," Awww~! Is that your bear? So cute!" She rubbed Kuma's head and he squirmed, moving around to avoid her hand.

"Who are you?" He asked her in his high voice.

She smiled wider," I'm Carly. Who are you?"

He looked at her for a moment," Hmm~ I'm Kumajiro."

I looked up as the lights in our area went out. A few moments later the effects intensified," What's going on?" I squinted.

She looked around as well for a moment," Oh, it's 9. We're having a rave tonight. The Djs are great. Wanna head out to the dance floor?"

I look down at Kuma," I can't leave him here...I think I'll just stay..."

Cuba shook his head," No mi amigo." He took Kuma from me," You need to enjoy yourself."

I looked down at my hands," I can go home..." The music started and my ears rang, I covered them," Ow~..."

I felt a hand on my shoulder, realizing I closed my eyes without thinking, and flinched. I opened my eyes and saw through the music affects Carly was looking very concerned.

"Are you okay?" She asked, I read her lips.

I nodded, shaking my head a bit and uncovering my ears. The music was so loud I felt like my head was going to explode.

She didn't take her hand away from my shoulder," Are you sure?" She leaned very close to me so I could hear.

I blushed a bit," Yeah I'm fine."

She smiled," Do you dance?"

I shook my head," Not really..." Not to this music at least.

Before she could say anything else I saw a hand push a mug in front of me.

I turned around and saw through the lights Gilbert was behind me. I froze, not knowing what to do.

He smiled, papa and Spain behind him, eyeing me. "Drink up." He said.

I shook my head again," I don't drink."

He probably knew I said no but chose to ignore it," Drink! It's gut!"

I shook my head yet again," I don't drink..."

He grinned," Now you do." He took the mug and tipped it against my mouth forcing me to drink it.

I almost choked but forced down enough that he stopped. I felt a little light-headed, my head pounded and my stomach was killing me," Ohh~" I held my stomach and sat back, leaning against the bar.

Carly was gone, maybe she had to go do something and I didn't hear her say goodbye.

He tilted his head and turned to papa, saying something before he replied and they turned back to me.

"Mon petit, are you alright?" Papa asked me, not looking all that concerned.

I nodded as best I could, I felt so sick," Oui papa...I'm..fine..." Maybe that drink I had earlier wasn't virgin after all. I knew I couldn't drink that much.

Gilbert smiled again," More." He tipped the glass to my mouth again, forcing me to chug this time.

I forced the rest down and whimpered," W-Where is the bathroom?" I knew was going to throw up, I felt so nauseous.

Papa took my hand," Follow me mon petit. You look sick." He led me to the bathroom and I went into one of the large stalls. The rest of the night is a blurry, headache-filled, haze for me now. All I clearly remember is the next morning.


	4. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3_**

I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and a strange weight on my leg. I sat up, holding my head and looked around. I was in my room with Kuma on my leg, strange, he usually curled up with me. I was suddenly struck with a pain in my head and grimaced, laying back down," Oww~" I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed the sides of my head to try and make the pain go away. I don't know how long I was lying there, all I knew was eventually I was able to stand. I tried to ignore my room, I'd recognized it by now, seeming to spin and braced myself against the wall. I struggled into the hall and made it halfway before tripping over my own feet and falling," Gah!" I hit my head, on the carpet thankfully, and clutched it. I knew it, I knew drinking was never good for me. After another unmeasurable while I got up again," I just need some pills or something." I thought, my head was killing me even more now.

"Hey." I heard a high voice, my condition making it sound like shrill whistle.

"Ahh~ Kuma. Please..d-don't..." I hoped he would understand.

"Don't what?" He asked me, his voice sounding worse now.

"P-Please don't s-speak..M-My head is killing...me." I covered my ears and leaned on the wall to keep from falling.

He nodded and walked over to me, rubbing against my leg.

"Th-Thanks Kuma..." I uncovered my ears and made my way back down the hall, not struggling any less than before.

I don't know how long I took but I made it to the hall closet, I opened it and took my headache pills out. After taking them I went back to my room and plopped on the bed," Ughh~" I groaned softly and rolled over onto my stomach. I did not feel like doing anything today. I had heard that a cold shower helps with this kind of thing so I got up again. My bathroom is in my room so it wasn't a long way. I lazily pulled my clothes and glasses off, getting in the closed shower, not the tub, and turning on the cold water. The first spray hit me like slap,"Ahh~!" I shuddered and held my arms," Come on, I'm used to the cold. This isn't even that cold anyway." My mental encouragement didn't really do anything. I continued to shiver and convulse for a few more minutes as my body went hay-wire, trying to expel the effects of alcohol. I let out several shuddering breaths and leaned against the shower wall, I finally felt a bit better," It's probably the pills too." I thought. I took my soap and poured some on the sponge, hearing the door move through the water," Kuma?" I called out, working up a lather with the sponge.

"Hmm~?" I heard him reply.

The familiar voice made me relax, I didn't even realize I'd tensed to begin with. I began to scrub myself and thought for a moment, an idea coming into my head. I felt like someone was here. Someone was in my house, I couldn't remember bringing anyone but my memory of last night was not the most reliable. My house did have a different feeling to it. It was hard to describe, my house usually feels empty and now it felt like there was a presence. I finished washing and turned off the water, taking a towel from my rack and got out. I saw Kuma was still there and covered up," Hey Kuma..."

"I'm hungry..." His voice didn't sound normal to me yet, so it still hurt a bit.

"Okay. I'll make you something, just give me a moment please."

He got up and went back to my room and into the hall from what I saw.

I dried off and put the towel around my waist, going to my dresser and taking out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I got dressed and went down the hall to the staircase and saw at the bottom there was something at the landing. I went down and found a smashed beer bottle," Huh?" I looked around to the hall and didn't see anyone," Kuma?" I called out and didn't hear a reply. I waited a moment, looking down at the shattered glass on the carpet. There was no stain, so it had to have been empty when whoever drank it threw it. I stepped over it and looked down the hall again," Kuma? Are you in the kitchen?" I called out again, no response. I went to a corner of my mudroom near the front door and took out my broom and pan. I swept up the glass and threw it out before going down the hall. When I passed the den I spotted a figure on my couch out of the corner of my eye and stopped. I looked at him and my jaw dropped," He's in my house?!"


	5. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4_**

I stared at him," I brought him home?" I questioned myself out loud. Prussia was laying there, legs sprawled out on the large, overstuffed loveseat I got for gaming or watching TV. He was in a deep sleep and had obviously made himself comfortable. I shook my head to clear it and cleaned my glasses on my shirt before looking again, no nothing changed, he was still there and still asleep. I held my head and turned, leaving the den and going down the hall to the kitchen where Kuma sat sucking on a bottle of maple syrup," Kuma, don't drink it like that." I said as I took the bottle from him. I desperately tried to get my mind off the man currently sleeping on my couch by taking stuff out of my cupboards and fridge, getting ready to cook," What kind of fish do you want Kuma?" I asked him.

"Hmmm~ I want salmon." He answered me, his voice finally starting to sound normal.

"Okay." I wasn't cooking for him, he ate fish raw, but I thought that if Prussia was going to be here I may as well make him something to eat. I was guessing alcohol didn't really affect him what with the way he drinks so he probably wouldn't have the stomach ache I had. I just wasn't hungry and actually was beginning to get nauseous again. I took out a cut of salmon and put it on a plate for Kuma.

When I put it on front of him he immediately dug in, obviously very hungry.

I smiled at bit at watching him eat before my stomach lurched and I bent over," Ughh..." I held it and bit my lip, running to the bathroom and bending over the toilet as my stomach spilled the small bit of its contents I had in it. I flushed and sat back," I knew it was a bad idea..." I muttered, feeling horrible and sick. My head spun and my stomach lurched dangerously as I tried to stand. Once I was up I stumbled to the kitchen and sat in one of the chairs near the small table I had there.

Kuma was still there eating, he was almost done. He looked at me," Hmm~ You look sick." He said, his voice sounding piercing again.

I quickly covered my ears," Yes, Kuma. I think I'm sick.." I replied softly.

"Was it last night?" He asked, his voice a bit softer.

I uncovered my ears and nodded," I think so..I can't drink..." I heard something from down the hall and snapped my head up," Is he awake?" I looked behind me but didn't see anyone, yet. I stood, my stomach not really feeling normal but not terrible, and looked down the hall. I was pretty sure I heard a creak and there only being 3 people in my house it had to have been him. I still couldn't believe he was here. With all of the effort I'd put in to getting over what I felt for him I didn't want to return to it now. I took a few steps down the hall before he came out of the den. Not thinking straight still, I panicked and ran back to my kitchen, hoping he hadn't seen me.

Kuma looked at me," What's wrong?" He asked.

I shushed him," Shh~ Not now Kuma I'll be right back." I hissed before running to my bathroom and closing the door. I didn't even really know why I was hiding. Maybe it was just the panic of being so close to him alone with no one else to turn to. I hoped he would just be like the others and ignore me the way everyone else did, so I wouldn't have to talk to him, he made me so nervous. I kneeled down to the floor and pressed my ear to the door, barely breathing and listening intently. I heard footsteps in the hall and a yawn. I heard Kuma say," Who are you?" And about a moment later a voice that made my heart skip a beat," Me? You don't know who I am? I am zhe awesome Prussia!" His voice had an unfaltering confidence I still never heard from anyone else. Certainly not me.

He spoke again and my swerving train of thought screeched to a halt," Hey, you don't live alone in zis massive house do you? You have to have some sort of owner."

I silently prayed Kuma wouldn't give me away as I squeezed my eyes shut and strained to hear more.

"Owner? I have one. He's in there." Kuma replied.

I pictured Kuma pointing or walking to my door and Prussia going to it so I backed up, still not thinking which resulted in me scrambling away from the door backwards instead of standing. I pushed myself up in a panic as he knocked.

"Hello? Who's house am I in?" He asked through the door, trying the knob which I locked.

I steeled myself and opened the door just enough for me to peek out," Y-Yes?" I stammered, unable to control it as he looked me over.

"Guten tag, Are you ze owner of zis house?" He asked me, looking a bit confused.

It was probably the fact that I was pretty much hiding in my bathroom," Yes, I am..." I answered hesitantly.

"Vere you showering or somezing?" He asked, looking me in the eyes.

Unable to hold his gaze I looked down and opened the door a bit more, squeezing one of my fingers as a distraction.

"Vait, you're France's son! I can actually see you...so you're not a ghost or anyzing?"

I knew it, I was like a ghost to them," Yes, I'm his son..." I answered him, why did he still make me so nervous.

He nodded," Hey, you coming out?"

I looked up but didn't raise my head," Sure I'll come out..."

He turned around and sat at the table, eying me.  
I fumbled with my hands for a moment as I came out. I thought of how ridiculous I must look and steeled myself again, looking up at him. "Are you hungry?" I asked him, wanting to be polite.

He smiled," Ja, do you have any beer?"

I nodded," I do...I can get you some if you wa-"

Halfway through my sentence he was up and looking through my fridge. He took out a six pack and opened one, chugging it in a few seconds.

I didn't know what else to do so I went to the counter and started to set up for cooking. I didn't see him coming but in a few moments I felt warm breath on my head. I turned around and he was inches from me. I noticed he was a little taller than me; I froze and felt my ears burning," Do you n-need anything?" I stammered again as he looked at me.

He grinned," You're red. You're red like one of Antonio's tomatoes!" He laughed, loud just like my brother. Only his was heartier, and made me melt. He eyed the top of my head curiously," Hey, vat's zis?" He grabbed the curl that always stuck out of my hair and tugged it.

He jumped and dropped my spoon," Gah! P-Please don't touch that!" I swatted his hand away and stepped back, covering my head and blushing.

He looked at me confused," Vat's wrong with it? Does it hurt?"

I blushed darker, I didn't want to say what it actually did so I nodded," Yes, it hurts a lot." I lied.

He took a step closer to me and I stepped back," Just give me a moment please…I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry for vat?" He shook his head and opened another can," You do know who I am right? Everyone knows me." He stated matter-of-factly.

I hesitantly nodded," Yeah….You're-"

"I am ze Awesome Prussia!" He cut me off, shouting, then chugged the second can.

I flinched at how loud he was and looked down again, fumbling with my hands.

He walked over to me," Hey, are you okay? You're so nervous. Don't vorry I won't invade you vital regions unless I really vant to."

I felt my ears burn at what the statement seemed to imply, and against my better judgment looked up," Huh?" Did he really just say that?

"You heard me. I said I von't invade your vital regions unless I really vant to. And if I do France probably von't be very happy." He replied.

I felt my face starting to burn more," What does that mean?"

He laughed," Are you really France's son? He must have told you about zhat stuff."

Almost no one knew to what extent Papa had influenced what I knew. I knew far more than I think I would ever want to admit.

I looked down and fumbled with my hands," Are you hungry?" I did not want to talk about this at all.

He looked at me," Don't avoid my question." He opened another can and drank it eyeing me closely at me.

I locked my eyes on the floor," Well…he has but you're just joking right?"

He laughed," Maybe I am. You asked if I was hungry? Ja, I am."

I nodded," Okay…What do you want? I'll make something…" I went back to the counter, not looking at him.

"My favorite food would have to be pancakes. You make zose right?" He stepped closer to me.

I nodded, still unable to look at him. The storm stirring me, even being only a few feet away from him, were too much.

"Vundabar!" He exclaimed and I heard one of the chairs moving.

I turned around, feeling, vulnerable was the only word I could use to describe it.

I heard Kuma ask," Why are you here?"

I turned around," Kuma! That's not polite!" I quietly scolded my bear. I did not want to remember last night, _any_ of it.

Prussia tilted his head," Vhy? He can ask." A small fluffly, yellow ball seemed to have been floating around him landed on his shoulder. He looked at it and grinned," Gilbird! Vhere did you go?" He exclaimed so loud my ears hurt. He nuzzled the 'bird' and grinned. He looked at Kuma and his grin suddenly disappeared," Hey, zat bear, it von't eat my bird vill it?" He looked at me.

I looked at Kuma, not him," No, Kuma doesn't eat birds. I feed him fish." I replied, thanking god the earlier subject had been dropped.

He let the bird hop onto the table as Kuma looked at it, puzzled," Hmmm~" He mused softly.

Gilbert looked at Kuma with a cautious expression still," He von't eat my bird." He repeated.

I shook my head," No.." And both of us watched as the fluffy ball hopped over to Kuma and fluttered onto his head. I smiled slightly at the sight, they were cute.

Gilbert looked at me," Oh wow, you're smiling for once."

I blushed," What?" I looked at him," Smiling? I-"

"Mein gott! Calm down! You're so nervous! What did Francis do to you?" He exclaimed, cutting me off.

I looked at him, he was the cause of my being so nervous but I have to admit I am a bit skittish sometimes," Papa didn't do anything to me. I'm just like this…I don't know why…" I replied.

"Oh really?...You should try to calm down more." He tilted the chair back and put his feet up on the small table. He eyed me as he put his feet up

I turned back around and poured the flour and other ingredients into a large bowl for the pancakes. When I was done putting everything into the batter a few minutes later I felt him behind me. What I didn't know was just how close he was. I turned to get a spoon to stir and he was right behind me, leaning over me and looking into my bowl. I felt my face burn and looked at him, he was slightly taller than me," Do you need anything?" I asked him, my voice going a bit high as I prayed he would back up. I could _not _be so close to him and stay rational.

"Hmmm? Oh, I vas just vatching you." He didn't back up at all.

I took the spoon and began to stir, it was getting impossible for me to focus. I stopped and looked back at him," C-Can you please step back?" I almost squeaked.

"Step back? Ja, sure." He took a small step back, still looking at me.

"Thanks…" I went back to stirring, still aware of his presence so close to me. I buttered the pan and poured the first one.

He stepped closer to me again, leaning over my shoulder. He didn't say anything and seemed like he was trying for me not to notice. That was a bit difficult with his proximity so I wasn't sure if that was his intention.

My hand shook slightly as I put the bowl and spoon back on the counter. I tried to take a step back but when I did I bumped into him. I bit the inside of my lip as I felt my face burning yet again. Papa always told me I blushed a lot but this was getting to be too much, I looked too obvious. I hoped he wasn't able to read people well.

When I bumped into him he took a small step back and laughed, hearty and loud again," You're turning red again! Haha~!"

Having someone point it out only ever makes it worse. I felt my face burning intensely and I didn't really know what to say. I flipped the pancake and didn't say anything.

He went back over to me, now leaning _on _me and watched as I put the pancake onto the plate and poured another one. When I was done with the stack I looked back at him, he hadn't moved the whole time.

He looked back at me," How many do you vant?" He asked me.

"I'll just take two.." I'd made a big stack so he would get as much as he wanted. I knew he liked them a lot.

He grinned," I'll take ze rest!" He announced loudly, taking a fork I had on the counter and one of the plates I'd set aside. He speared two of them and put them on the plate before putting them on the table. He took the plate with the stack and put it on the table," Vhere's your syrup?"He asked, looking at me.

I nodded," I know where, I'll get it." I replied. I went past him to the fridge and took out a bottle of maple syrup. I brought it back to the table.

He was already sitting with a fork, grinning at the stack," Mmmm~! Zis is going to be delicious!" He shouted, grabbing the bottle out of my hand and poured it onto the stack.

I sat across from him and took the bottle when he put it down, pouring it onto mine. He was already eating, quickly too. My stomach still hurt and I didn't feel quite stable to eat the much. I normally had three, but today I felt like I might not even finish one. As I took my first few bites I tentatively looked across the table to him.

He was digging in, a third of the stack already gone. He ate another forkful and licked his lips with such a happy face I wanted to take a picture to be able to see it over and over again. He wiped his mouth with the napkin and went back to eating.

Several moments I came out of my haze and realized I was really staring at him. I blushed and went back to eating, a bit faster than before and finished in a couple minutes. I stared at my plate the whole time, afraid to look up.

When I did I saw he was almost done. He came up and licked his lips again and wiped his mouth, he was smiling wide and I found myself staring again. This time however, he opened his bright, red eyes and looked right back at me," Hmm~? You're done?"

I blushed lightly again and nodded hurriedly," Yeah I'm done." Anxious to avoid even further embarrassment I got up with my plate and fork and went back to the sink, rinsing them. I didn't hear him say anymore and decided to avoid it even more by scrubbing the plate and fork more thoroughly than any person would. I heard the chair move and I tentatively turned around.

He was standing with the empty plate and syrup-covered fork. He came over to me and leaned on me again, putting both in the sink and smiling.

I looked at him," I'll wash them…uhm..Do you want to watch TV or something?" I asked, stumbling over my words at him being so close, touching me now. I felt my heart beating faster and my face growing hot.

He looked at me for a moment," TV? Ja, sure…" He paused," Actually, can I use your shower?"

The thought of him in the shower popped into my mind for just a moment before I forced it out," Sure, I'll show you to it." I moved out from my tight space in between him and the counter edge, and started to shuffle down the hall to the entrance room where my main staircase was. As he followed me out of the kitchen Kuma came out of it and ran down the hall to me, sitting on the floor in front of me and looking up. I picked him up and went up the stairs to one of the main hallways directly across from it. The other halls went both left and right to other parts of my house but I had so many rooms I just made most of them into guest rooms for the very unlikely chance I may have a houseguest.

I opened the door to one of them," Here, this one has its own bathroom so you can use it." Halfway through my sentence he ran in.

"Mein gott!" He shouted, jumping onto the bed," Zis room is huge! Is zis only one of your guest rooms? And I zought France's house vas big!" He jumped on the bed like a little kid all the while he said it.

I smiled a bit at the sight, he looked so happy," Yeah, this is one of my guest rooms." I answered him.

He stopped jumping and looked at me," Hey, could I come back here sometime? I hate having to live with zat stupid aristocrat and your house is so much bigger zen mein bruder's."

I was taken a bit aback at his request but, against my better judgment I nodded," Sure you can. I live alone so I wouldn't mind having someone over for a bit." I honestly didn't think my passive invitation would amount to anything. How wrong I was, not that I thought it was very bad, now I'm not so sure anymore.

He grinned and jumped off the bed, running over to me and hugging me quickly before running into the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.

The hug paralyzed me and it was all so fast I barely had a chance to react to it before he slammed the bathroom door which made me flinch. I stared after him," What?" I said out loud, as I took a few steps closer to the door across the room.

He opened it," Just a question, how do you turn on ze water?" He asked, poking his head out through the doorway.

I noted with a blush that he'd already taken his shirt off. It took all of my willpower not to look down at his smooth, pale skin exposed to me. I nodded quickly and put Kuma down, almost running into the bathroom and turning on the water. I hurriedly showed him how to make it hot and cold and practically ran out. I could _not _be so close to him _especially _when he's shirtless. I went down the hall with Kuma into my room and sat at my desk, turning on my laptop. I signed on to my usual sites, trying to get my mind off of him. How he looked when he was eating, when he was getting ready to shower, his smile and his bright, gorgeous, red- Kuma climbing onto my lap and banging away at my keyboard snapped me out of my dreamy state of mind. I touched his paws," Please don't, Kuma." I plugged in my headphones and began to surf. I don't know how long I was doing that and I don't really remember what I wrote or watched but I do remember hearing a ringing. I took off my headphones and picked up the phone," Hello? This is Canada. Who is this?" I asked, using a formal voice.

"Hello, zis is Germany. I vas told by France zat last night zat you took mein bruder home. I vould like to take him back." I heard him reply.

I felt a strange sinking feeling in my chest, I didn't want Prussia to leave. However, the decision was not mine to make so I stuffed it back and answered," Take him back? Of course. When will you be coming?"

"In about an hour, he is avake my now, right?" He asked.

"Yeah, he woke up a little while ago, we ate and he's showering now." I answered him, forcing images out of my head as I mentioned the shower.

"Alright. I'll see you zen." He hung up.

I sat back," Okay Kuma, Prussia is leaving soon." I knew why it hurt me a bit to say but Kuma should know.

"Hmmm~ okay." He stayed in my lap and I went back online.

Prussia knocked on my door a little bit later.

I got up and opened it," You knew this was my room?"

He nodded," Ja, I watched you sleep for a bit last night." He said nonchalantly.

I blushed," Y-You watched me sleep?" I asked, not really believing he would do it and imagining what it would look like.

He laughed," Yeah, you looked so funny." He rubbed my hair, pushing my curl.

I flinched when he touched it and shivered when he hand went over it.

He looked at me," Vat does zis zing do to you? You act veird ven I touch it." He said.

I felt my face burning intensely," Please don't touch it…" I said, hoping he would listen.

He shrugged," Ja, okay. Do you have any games?" He asked.

I nodded," Yeah, I have a lot of them. Most of them are in the den. I'll show you if you want… Your brother is coming to get you soon."

He suddenly threw his hands up," Ah, West! I vant to stay here! I get to eat pancakes and play games and your house is so much bigger!" He exclaimed.

I flinched," Sorry, but he called..." I said.

He looked back at me," Nein, it isn't your fault. Vere is ze den?" He asked.

I led him back downstairs to it and he grinned," You have all of ze best games! I didn't even notice last night!" He lay back down on the couch he slept on and turned on the game system, starting to play. He looked at me," Come here."

I nodded a bit nervously and went over to him.

He pulled me to him and hugged me, whispering in my ear," Danke Matthew." Before he let me go.

I stumbled back, my face red, and ran out, not knowing what else to do.

When the doorbell rang I got up and went downstairs. I opened the door," Hello Germany." I'd spent the entire time trying to calm down, with a great deal of failure, and didn't want to seem strange to him.

"Vere is he?" He asked and then looked past me," Bruder! Vhy did you leave vithout telling me?!" He stepped past me angrily.

Prussia rolled his eyes," You are such a control freak, West. You need to learn to calm down. And vhy is it you always forget I'm the older one! I can make my own decisions verdammin!" He retorted, stepping closer to him.

I watched for a few moments as they argued, it seemed like they forgot I was there," Uhm, excuse me?"

Prussia looked away from Germany and over to me," Ja? Vhat is it Canada?"

Germany turned around, he'd had his back to me, and looked at me as well," Zis is your house right?"

I nodded," Yes..It's my house." I answered him.

"Vhy did you bring him to your house? You could have brought him to me." Germany said, sounding a bit like he was scolding me.

Prussia groaned loudly and rolled his eyes again, pushing past Germany and going closer to me," Don't listen to him, he's a control freak." Prussia said to me.

Germany looked very angry," Vhat?!"

Prussia whipped around," You heard me, west!"

I was getting nervous at them arguing so loudly and so angrily so I backed up," Uhm…sorry?" I said tentatively.

It ended up with Germany grabbing Prussia's arm and dragging him toward the door.

Prussia slipped his hand out and stepped back," You are _not_ dragging me out like a child! You have no right to boss me around West!" He was actually standing in front of me now.

Germany frowned," You are coming back home, now." The last part was a clear order.

Prussia looked defiantly at him," Fine, I know you von't let go unless I do." He shook his head and started to walk out behind Germany. He turned back around," Bye Matthew." He said to me.

I blushed slightly and waved," Bye…Gilbert.." I didn't question why he knew my name. I just watched as he left. When they drove off I stayed looking at the door. Half-expecting him to come back to me like I did so many times later.

so many times after.


	6. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5_

I returned to my room in a half-focused haze and sat back down in front of my laptop. I put my headphones back on, not really thinking about it and signed back on. Kuma sat on the floor near my feet.

"Hmmm~ are you okay?" He asked me.

I blinked," Huh? Oh, I'm fine Kuma…" I began to browse around and write again. A remember checking my screen and seeing that I'd written my thoughts instead of the report I was to be working on. I had been about to delete it when I thought of something; I could write out my thoughts about him. I wasn't sure if I should go back to pondering my intense feelings but I honestly thought I spent too long trying to push it back. The feelings I had for him had been coming back since seeing him again and I thought confronting them may help me get over it. The fact we were all countries meant we didn't age and were immortal. It also meant he was way older than me. That would bother some people but it hadn't ever affected the way I had thought of him.

I remember being a little kid and seeing him hang out with Papa and Spain. I remember how he was always smiling and laughing when they would go out and I learned a lot about him from what they would talk about. I knew he was a hard worker and I knew that he hated leaving things unfinished, frankly so did I. I knew that he was very loyal when he trusted someone and I knew that although he tries to maintain the air that he doesn't care about most things he never forgot any details. Everything affected him.

I seemed to have been able to look past that though, and thought I knew he was a kind person. I'd felt a strange sort of magnetism drawing me to him even though he didn't notice me for the longest time. There would be moments when I was younger where Papa would point me out to him and he would say hello or something trivial. I'd never really gotten to interact with him. I was sure that I did at one point or other the night before but I didn't want to remember that. I probably acted like a complete idiot. Or worse.

After I don't know how long I checked my clock and saw it was 5:30 pm. I didn't realize how long I'd been thinking. Then again, I hadn't checked the time while he was here so I really didn't know. I decided to try another method of getting my mind off of Prussia, or Gilbert, for a bit and booted up _Amnesia: The Dark Decent . _I turned off the lights, closed the shades, and put on my loudest, best headphones. Kuma knew what I was going to play so he left.

I downloaded some custom maps that were supposedly very scary and opened one.

It started with me waking up in one of the uniform bedrooms. I quickly went through the dresser and closet, gathering a lantern and 5 large jars of oil as well as 6 tinderboxes. The room was well lit so I didn't use any of my resources. I went to a piano and uncovered the piano keys, finding an iron key labeled "Basement key". I check the room again and find nothing else so I go to the door. It opens into a hallway lined with lanterns. I look down both ways and see a door on one side and darkness on the other side. Monsters usually pop out of the dark, though doors can also be dangerous. I went to the door and opened it, running back as it swung open. I looked in and there was nothing inside. After about 20 minutes it felt like, of exploring the very large map I got to a locked door. I'd used the basement key and now had three ones in my inventory. I tried one of them and the door opened into complete darkness. I hadn't used my lantern much so I had a lot of oil still. I took it out and immediately saw a bunch of monsters turn toward me and I ran out. I hid in a closet and waited. I was breathing a bit heavy from the sudden shock and my heart was beating quicker than normal. My reaction wasn't that bad though, I love horror movies and novels and being scared so most games didn't scare me all that much. However, I have to admit that was quite the jump-scare and the maker of the mod had taken time with the map and placement of everything. I wasn't the kind to talk in general so I didn't comment to calm down or anything. Sometimes when the game got really intense I would sing or hum.

I heard groaning from outside the closet and I tensed automatically, instinctively looking behind me into the darkness of my room with the effect still sounding through my headphones. I paused the game and padded down to my kitchen, getting some water and coming back to my room after. I put the bottle, I almost always spilled cups while playing, and put my headphones back on.

I can't remember how long I played since I got really into it, jumping and shouting a few times at the _very_ bad scares, but I do remember getting to the end of the last one and exiting the game. I checked the time in the corner of my screen, 8:45 it told me, and took off my headphones. I set my computer to sleep and called out," Kuma? I'm done playing."

I waited for a few moments and he came in,  
"I'm hungry…and bored" He said to me.

I smiled, he was my best friend and sometimes I just wanted to hug him for being so cute," Okay. I'll make us something. What do you want?" I didn't feel picky so I may as well just make something he likes.

"Hmmm~ I don't know." He said, looking at me still on all fours.

I went over to him and picked him up, going downstairs to the kitchen and putting him on the counter.

He sat quietly for a few moments while I opened the fridge and took out a cut of haddock, putting it on the island counter in the middle of the kitchen.

"Why was that man here?" He asked out of the blue.

I looked up from cutting the fish, a bit surprised at the question. It wasn't like I never thought of talking to him about it, I talked to him about everything and usually didn't keep things from him because he is my friend. "Well…" I didn't quite know what to say," I think I brought him home last night…" I replied, thinking about it. Kuma was smart and I knew that he may not take that as an answer.

"Yeah, you did. You drank a lot and were acting weird." He stated.

Did I do anything else?" I asked, not really wanting to know but I was just too curious.

He nodded," Mhmm~ You went dancing and talked to a lot of people. I think you kissed a girl too. And you yelled a lot."

I felt my face flush," I did?"

He put a paw to his chin," Hmmm~ I don't know. Maybe you did. You don't normally act like that, only when you drink that stuff."

I nodded," Yeah, I know…that's why I try not to drink that stuff when I go to places like that."

"But you've never been there you said." He looked at me with his head tilted and his paws on the counter, showing that he was confused.

"That place was a club. Clubs and bars are where people drink and everyone always pressures me to drink and it never ends well." I replied.

Kuma nodded," Okay." He eyed the fish I'd stopped cutting," Are you gonna eat too?" He asked.

I went back to cutting the fish and nodded," Yeah…I'll make some soup or something." I replied, thinking of what had led me to drink last night. The harder I thought the more fragments I was able to recover from my drunken memory. So I would be able to think about it more I kept my mind on it and finished with the fish. I put it on a plate for him and he started to eat. I went to one of the cabinets and got out stuff to make soup. I turned on the radio and listened as I cooked. Kuma helped me a bit and I ate with him sitting next to me. We didn't talk much. I rinsed the dishes and put them away, checking outside. It was about 7:00pm and the sun was starting to get low. I looked at Kuma," I'm going for a walk. Do you want to come or stay?" I asked Kuma.

He looked at me," Hmmmm~…I'm gonna stay." He replied.

I put him in the den and put on one of his favorite movies and left. I went to the gate in my huge yard and entered the woods. This was where I could really think and process.

No one ever went into those woods but me so I could do whatever I had. I had loved being free, used to always being alone I usually just did whatever. One of the clear drawbacks of not being around people much is, when I am I usually retreat into shell. However, in those times, I let myself go.

The beginning of the tree-lined path splits off, going in three different directions. The whole path eventually winds together a few miles down. I knew these woods better than anyone because I grew up exploring them. I knew I could never get lost even if I tried. I walked in silence, occasionally looking up at the slowly retreating sun and around at the tree that surrounded me. I loved nature and being outside, everything was always so beautiful and serene and I loved the calm, collected, happy feeling I got while here. I felt at home. As I walked I let my mind wander back to recalling the events of last night. Though it had been less than 24 hours it felt like years ago.

My last clear memory had been going into the bathroom stall and throwing up. I cringed at the feeling remembering that brought and tried to remember the fragments that had come to me before. I remember being in a tight crowd of people, my vision blurry and my head hurting through all of it. I remember sitting with Papa and Cuba yelling at him for it. I couldn't make out words of any kind, just Cuba pushing Papa off whatever he was sitting on a dragging me away. The fragments became less and less clear so I assumed I drank more from peer pressure.

After a very long while of trying to make sense of it all, as always, I just let it go. Whenever I went to a club or bar I ended up like this, confused, sick-feeling, and unable to figure out what had happened. I forgot to bring my watch so I didn't know how long I'd been in here but frankly, I didn't really care. I came to sort out my thoughts and I wasn't done yet.

I got to a clearing and looked around at all of the trees, singling out one of them and going over to it. I climbed to one of the high branches that I could see through the leaves. The tree was big and the branch was strong enough to support me so I wasn't nervous. I crawled on it to the huge trunk and leaned against it, crossing my ankles and relaxing enough to be comfortable.

Now, I had to think through the events of the day and process. I avoided it earlier for about three hours and I knew that I couldn't do that forever. I just had to think through my unwavering attraction and feelings for him. I honestly don't know where they came from or why but I knew they had been persisting for years. I knew many people found him unbearable, including his brother, but maybe it was because I felt a strange bond of kinship with him. I knew he was no longer a nation and was often ignored or brushed off because of it. And maybe it was because I was always forgotten and ignored I felt like I understood him. I always knew my feelings for him were unique as I didn't identify the same way with anyone else. I wished I could talk to someone about it but who would I go to? Not my brother, or papa, or Arthur. I couldn't really go to anyone and realizing that I began to feel so alone again. I gazed off into space, my head tilted against the trunk staring into the darkening sky. I sighed, I missed him. I knew it had only been a couple of hours and his mere presence set me off into an irrational state of panic but his presence and being close to him was like a high for me.

He was just so perfect to me. His almost constant smile was so bright and so beautiful. His platinum hair always looked clean and kept even with his asymmetrical bangs. His flawless pale skin and body never failed to mesmerize me. He always radiated a confidence I knew I would never possess and he was a generally happy person, content with being around people and merry-making. I wanted so badly to be close to him despite my inability to think and behave like a normal person whenever he was there.

I blinked and saw that the sky was dark, indicating that it was around 10:30 now. I'd been out for about an hour or so. I got back down from the tree and started to walk back home. I had gone straight down the path so I didn't have to turn or anything. I looked around at the dark forest and smiled slightly. While most people are afraid and intimidated by dark woods and the thought of being alone inside one I was comfortable and felt at home. I wasn't afraid of being attacked or 'eaten' since I had a special way with the animals that live here.

When I got back home I called out," Kuma! I'm back." I walked to the den in the dark. I liked the dark and didn't care for wasting energy. I went to the den and found Kuma.

He was sitting on the couch in the same position I left him in, eyes glued to the TV.

I smiled and went to the couch, sitting next to him and watching for a few minutes before he looked away from the screen and over to me.

"Hmm~? When did you get here?" He asked.

"A few minutes ago." I replied.

"Hmmm~." He mused as he turned back to the screen. It was about halfway through the movie so I knew he would be occupied for a while.

I stood," I'm going up for abath, are you going to finish the movie?" I asked. I was thinking of really winding down and running a bubble bath with jets.

He nodded," Yeah..I'm staying." He replied.

I got up from the couch and went back down the hall and upstairs to my bedroom. I took off my glasses and went into the large, softly lit bathroom; I always had scented candles in it. I went to the side with my full-body bathtub and turned on the hot water. I took a bottle from the shelf on the wall and poured some of the mixture into the running water. It immediately began to bubble up as I turned on the jets. It would be several minutes before the tub filled so I turned and left back to my room. I went to my dresser and pulled out a large, thin t-shirt and a pair of boxers. I lay them out on my bed and stripped, putting the clothes in my hamper before going back to the bathroom. I stuck a foot in the tub and shivered as I got used to the hot water. I put my other foot in and sat, sliding against the bottom of it and letting out a shuddering sigh as my body adjusted. I relaxed against the padded side of it, my whole body stretched out. I closed my eyes and rested my head, sliding down so the bubbles touched my chin. I had my hands on my stomach as I breathed deeply, filling my lungs with the humid air and steam that rose from the water. The bubbles smelled faintly of lavender, one of my favorites and I smiled. The jets on the side massaged my body gently

My mind wandered off to Prussia earlier today showering. I felt my face beginning to grow warmer as I thought of his bare torso so close to me as I showed him how to change the water temperature. He was so gorgeous with his bright red eyes and white skin and hair. How his voice made me melt whenever he talked to me.

I was so deep in thought that I barely noticed when Kuma came into the bathroom and sat in the doorway.

"Gilbert…." I whispered his name, somehow afraid he would come out of nowhere and say," Someone called?"

"I want you to come back, Gilbert…." I whispered again, wanting him to with every part of me.

"Who are you talking to?" A familiar high voice jerked me out of my dreamy state of mind and made me sit up.

"Kuma?!" I looked at him sitting there," When did you get here?" In other words, what did you see?

"Just now." He replied, looking at me curiously.

"Is the movie over?" I asked, had I really been up here that long? The water didn't feel cold, but then again, I had the jets running keeping it hot.

He shook his head," No."

"Did you get bored?" I was really curious as to why he came up here. Did he want to see something? Maybe how I behaved differently today.

"No, I wanted to ask you something." He said, coming closer to me in the tub.

I was still sitting up," Okay..What did you want to ask me?" I was pretty sure I knew what.

"Why did you act so weird when that guy was here?" He asked, putting his front paws on the side of the tub.

I knew it," Well…" I still didn't know how to explain it to him.

"Does he scare you?" He asked.

"Not….exactly…He makes me nervous though." I replied. How was I going to explain it to him, I didn't even really understand my own feelings yet.

"Why? Is he mean to you?" Kuma asked, leaning forward and looking into my eyes.

I held his gaze for a few moments before looking past him. I didn't quite know why I couldn't hold his gaze. Kuma usually didn't judge me because he didn't understand," He…makes me feel…different." I replied, and it was true. Gilbert did make me feel strange and I still didn't know what to make of it. I think I knew what it was but I wasn't sure.

"Is it bad?" He asked and I almost wanted to laugh. In some ways Kuma was alike a little kid because, again, he didn't understand a lot. One of the drawbacks was that I often found myself having to over-explain things.

"Not quite….I don't really know how to explain it." I replied honestly. I wasn't going to tell him he would understand eventually because I didn't think he would.

"Hmmm~ Maybe you should talk to him about it. He might be able to help you if it's him that makes you feel like that." He said, like he was giving me valuable advice.

'How I wish I could just do that…That it was that easy…' I thought," Maybe…" I replied," Thank you Kuma." He did have me thinking now but I wasn't going to act on it for a while.

"Okay." He got down on all fours again and left.

I looked after him and waited for him to leave before I slid back down. The bubbles hadn't died out all that much because of the jets. I breathed in and blew into the small wall of bubbles in front of my face. The fluffy, white mass balls of air ball exploded in all directions, leaving and arch that collapsed after a few seconds. I smiled, looking up at the surviving ones falling through the emptiness above me. The candles were dying down and the room became darker. I looked at the doorway and sat up again, pushing myself up and out of the tub. I stood there and listened to the gentle hum of the air conditioner I had running in my room. I shivered slightly and grabbed a towel and rubbed myself down. I wrapped the towel around my waist and went back into my room where I put on the long t-shirt and underwear. I went back into the bathroom and drained the water, rubbing some lotion over my legs and arms. This was my normal evening routine throughout the year and was automatic for the most part.

I wasn't all that tired since I'd slept so late and hadn't done anything strenuous during the day so I turned my laptop back on. I left it to boot up and went back downstairs to the den and found Kuma sitting on the couch still. I looked at the screen and watched the final scene close and the credits start to roll. "I'm going to keep working on my new building complex." I told him.

He looked up at me," Okay."

"Are you tired?" I asked, I could put him to bed if he was.

"No." He replied, not moving.

"Do you want me to put something else for you to watch or do you want to watch me?" I asked, he often watched me play and seemed to find it entertaining.

"I'll watch you." He said, pushing himself off the couch and walking to me.

I started to walk back to my room with him beside me," Kuma?"

"Yeah?" He replied, still walking with me and not looking up.

"Do you ever get lonely living with just me all the time?" I asked. I had been thinking of asking him for a while and now just felt like the right time.

"Not really." He replied," But I think you should be around people more." He said.

Wow, even my bear was telling me the same thing as my father and my brothers, as well as my sister and best friend. Maybe it was time for me to get out more; I'd only been avoiding it forever. Maybe it was my time to make a change. "Okay Kuma." I said," I'll get out a little more. I just have to figure out when."

When I got into my room I plugged in my headphones and put on some music. I opened up Minecraft and clicked on the world labeled 'Thinking'. I used this world for just that, thinking and generally testing out designs. I'd had dozens of different projects in this world alone and really enjoyed creating.

Kuma was in my lap and watching the screen," Are you gonna build?" He asked.

"Yeah." I replied," I'm think I'm going to work on my underground complex for this session." I played in what I called sessions and didn't dedicate too much time to any one project.

I played for about 45 minutes, getting most of my renovations finished. I checked the time 12:00 am, and decided it was time to call it a day. It had definitely been a very eventful one but a day nonetheless. I turned off my laptop and looked down at Kuma," I'm going to bed." I told him.

He looked back up at me," Hmmm~ Okay." He replied, not moving much as I got up, holding him to my chest.

I took him to corner of the room I'd made a bed for him and put him down in it," Goodnight Kuma." I whispered as he curled up. I stroked his fur gently for a few minutes as he relaxed. His breathing evened out and he fell asleep. I smiled and got up from the carpeted floor, going to the window where I had my AC still running and turned it down. It got a bit cooler at night so I didn't need it to be so high. I went to my queen bed and pulled back the light green sheets. My summer bedspread was very light since summers could be blistering and I often woke in the middle of the might from being too hot. I took off my glasses and put them on the night table next to my bed. I got in and pulled the thinnest of the two sheets over myself. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply to calm myself. I relaxed and felt my conscious mind slip away.

The next couple of weeks went by pretty much the same as almost always. However, there was one thing that changed and didn't go back to normal. I couldn't get him out of my mind completely. The first couple of days were fine, he would pop up every now and then and I would brush it off. After about a week I began to dwell more on him and think about it. Two weeks after he left I was requested to attend a World Meeting.

At first the meeting was pretty normal, arguing, yelling and generally almost no one getting along. I was ignored of course but meetings were important to me and I made it a point to go to all of them. However, I did find listening to all of the racket for hours tedious so I had downloaded some audiobooks to listen to while there. As my brother brought the meeting to a close I gathered my things and began to the door after the others. When I got to the door I heard someone call my name.

"Canada!" It was from a bit behind me.

I turned around and saw Germany walking toward me with Italy following behind him. "Oh, hello Germany, and Italy." I said, seeing out of the corner of my eye Papa and Al looking at us.

"Guten tag." Germany said to me, stopping a couple of feet away from me. He looked serious as always but some of it seemed directed at me.

"Ciao Canada!" Italy said cheerily, waving at me and smiling.

I nodded at him, returning some of his smile before I faced Germany again," Yes?"

"Mein bruder hasn't stopped talking about you for two weeks." He stated.

I was taken aback at the statement and felt the beginning of a blush approaching I forced it back and steeled myself for whatever else he might say," Really? What did he say?"

Germany shook his head and Italy went in front of him," Ve~ He's right. Prussia said that he likes your house and that he wanted to stay longer. I think Germany would like for him to leave so I don't know why he's making his big brother stay." Italy said, smiling," Would you like for him to stay with you Canada?" He asked me.

Germany looked upset," Italy! He didn't ask you! Vhy did you say all of zat!" He turned to Italy frowning.

Italy looked scared and trembled," I-I'm sorry Germany! Please don't tie me up! I saw what you did to him after you brought him back!" He begged, putting his hands in front of his chest as protection.

Germany looked even more angry now," Vat?! You saw!? Vhen?" He asked Italy, looming over him.

"I saw all of it! And I heard what you said to him! Please don't do all of that to me!" Italy begged again.

I was virtually dying of curiosity now but I knew it would be the worst possible decision to ask so I stayed quiet.

Germany shook his head, closing his eyes and exhaling before he turned back to me," Nevermind zat." He said," Mein bruder said he vants to see you again."

I nodded," Okay…Did he say when?"

He shook his head," Nein, he vanted to come to ze meeting but I said no. He'll figure it out, he always does." He said and turned, going out the door with Italy close behind him. Italy still looked scared but I doubted Germany would do 'all of those things' to him.

I looked after them, Prussia said he wanted to see me again? Granted, I hadn't really stopped thinking about him for the past two-and-a-half weeks.

Papa came over to me and I turned to face him," Bonjour papa." I greeted him, smiling a bit.

He smiled," Bonjour Matthieu." He replied.

"Sup, bro." Al said, moving in front of Papa who pushed him aside," Stupid American." He said, frowning.

"Hey, Al." I said to my brother as papa faced me again.

"I heard what Germany said mon petit. I was on zhe phone with Prussia yesterday and he asked me what I did to you as I child." He laughed," I said you were a skittish boy but he when he described zhe way you acted it worried me. Are you alright? Are you sick or somezhing?" He asked me, looking concerned.

I thought for just a moment, maybe I would be able to talk to papa about what I was feeling. He would have to know something about it and might be able to give me some advice. "Actually papa, I wanted to talk to you about it. Could we get together sometime?" I asked. He might have plans and I didn't want to interfere.

"But of course!" He said," We can get together anytime. I will always make time for my Cana." He said, calling me one of the pet names he had for me.

I saw Arthur scowling behind us," Hello Arthur." I said.

Papa turned around," Jerk Britian? Where?" He saw Arthur," Oh, zhere you are, Britain. What does Zhe Black Sheep of Europe need? You are not spending any time with my Cana, you have your stupid American to waste time with." Papa said, scoffing.

Arthur stomped toward him," Frog! You say I waste time!" They argued for several minutes as Al and I watched.

"Dude, do they ever stop?" Al asked as we watched them

"I don't think they will." I said as they wound down.

Papa came over to me and put an arm around my shoulder," My Cana is better zhen you stupid American will ever be!" Papa yelled at Arthur.

I stayed quiet, this happened all the time and I didn't mind it.

"Frog! Lord knows what you put in his head!" Arthur yelled back at him.

"Dudes, what are we fighting about again?" Al said, biting into a hamburger he got from seemingly nowhere.

Arthur turned to him," Where did you get that from?!" Arthur burst out, looking at the hamburger.

"What? Oh, this" He raised the burger," I always have these." He took another bite," I lith eating theb" He said with his mouth full and took another big bite," Ghasfk, okfoskfmef." He said.

Arthur held a hand in his face," Don't talk with your mouth full!" Arthur yelled at him.

Papa shook his head," Let's go mon petit." He started to walk out with his arm still around me.

I followed him and heard," She ya blo!", from behind me. Al probably still had his mouth full.

"You wanted to talk to me about Prussia, no?" Papa asked me, smiling.

"Actually, papa, I wanted to talk to you about something else…" I said. I didn't want to be too obvious so I decided to talk to him only about the feelings issue. I didn't want to be too obvious or give away what was going on. Prussia and papa had been friends forever and I didn't want to be the source of any awkwardness.

"You can ask me anything mon petit." He said, taking my hand.

I nodded," Okay…..What do you do when you've had really strong feelings for someone and you don't know how to get rid of it?" I asked.

"Get rid of it?" He asked me," Why would you want to get rid of it? Love is a wonderful thing!" He said.

"Well, what if it's a problem?" I asked, it might be and I wanted to be able to move on. I knew he would never return my feelings so why persist.

"Why is it a problem? " He asked, we were almost at the door.

"Well, some people might find it strange…" I said, opening the door and holding it for him.

"Well, if we are going to talk about zhis we should go somewhere." He said, going through the door," Come mon petit." He gestured for me to come with him.

I went with him down the street to a nearby café and sat on a leather couch across a small table. I fumbled with my hands and looked around as he ordered for us.

He turned back to me after making the waitress blush and smiled," So, what is zhe problem? Do they not feel zhe same way?" He asked, leaning toward me.

"Well, I don't know." I said, not really noticing I was so fidgety.

Papa put a hand over both of my still moving ones and looked into my eyes," Matthieu, you can tell me. You don't need to be so nervous with Papa." He said.

I started to blush, "W-Well, I don't know if you'll find it strange Papa." I said.

"Matthieu, you know I won't judge you. I'm your Papa." He said, sounding encouraging.

"I know….It's just…I-I'm not even sure myself…" I said honestly.

"Not sure of what? Your feelings?" He asked.

"Yeah…I don't know what they are…" I said.

"Well, how long has it been?" He asked as the waitress came back and brought us our drinks. He winked and blew a kiss at her before she left.

I took my drink and sipped, not really wanting to talk. I knew he would persist anyway so why put it off," It's been years…." I said.

"Years? Why didn't you tell me before?" He asked, leaning toward me again.

"Well, I tried to get rid of it…I want your help…" I said.

"Help with getting rid of it?" He asked, sipping his drink.

I nodded," I've tried everything I know…" I sighed and sat back.

"Is it really so bad? Love is a wonderful thing Matthieu, you just need to embrace it." He said.

"How? Isn't it painful when you feelings aren't returned?" I said, looking up at the ceiling.

"Well, do you know for sure? Have you asked? Or are you afraid?" He asked, looking at me.

I wasn't going to lie to him so I nodded," I'm afraid…Afraid of confessing it and then being shut down." I said, finally looking him in the eye.

"Mon petit, we all have zhat fear. We must overcome it if we are to become so close to someone. I am not telling you to do it but it will torment you if you do not eventually get it off your chest. Ignoring it won't make it go away so you probably know by now." He said.

I nodded again," You're right papa. I should. Thank you." I said.

He smiled," Oui, the time will come for you Matthieu. But, you must seize the opportunity when it presents itself." He said.

"Yes papa. I'll do my best." I said and stood.

We left the café and I went home after. I did want to try what he said but I didn't expect the problem to arise again so quickly.

And I would never have expected what happened on my birthday.

I never thought I would regret it later either. I know better now.


	7. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 6_**

I rolled over in bed. I'd been awake here for over an hour. I didn't want to get up. Today was my birthday, another year passed. I knew that in three days everyone would be celebrating Al's birthday. I pulled the thin sheets over my head and sighed. I didn't know why I was suddenly so sad about it, it has been happening for years. Some years they remember and some they don't. This year looked like they wouldn't.

Kuma climbed onto the bed and got on top of me, lying on my back and pawing at my hair," Are you awake?"

"Yeah….." I replied, not moving so as to not dislodge him from his spot.

Kuma just stayed there for a bit before he climbed onto the pillow, lying down and looking at me. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing Kuma….." I said, rolling over onto my back and staring up at the ceiling.

He crawled onto my chest and pawed at my face.

I tried to brush his hands away. Normally when he did this it made me laugh but today I didn't really feel like laughing.

Kuma lay down on me and closed his eyes.

I wished I could do the same but I knew when I woke up I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. I sighed and started to sit up.

Kuma held onto my shirt as I sat up and sat in my lap as I sat criss-cross.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, I wasn't but I would make something for him if he wanted.

"Hmmm~ Not really." He looked up at me.

I looked back down," Is something wrong?" I asked.

"You look sad. What happened?" He asked.

"You do remember what day it is right?" I asked. I hoped he would.

"Hmmm~ it's Saturday right?" He said.

"It's my birthday….." I said, stifling a sigh.

"Oh…Okay…" He said, sounding like it was actual news to him.

"Yeah…" I said. I knew he had some memory problems so I tried to use that to have it not matter so much.

Kuma just sat there with me for a while. After a bit he pawed at my chest and I looked down at him," I'm hungry now…" He said.

"Okay." I said, standing with him and taking him down to the kitchen and putting him down in a chair. "What do you want to eat?"

"Pancakes." He said, looking at me still a bit confused.

"Okay." I prepared for it and made him a few. I served him and fed him. He always got covered in syrup when he ate pancakes and it was impossible to get it out of his fur.

When he was done I cleaned the plate and went to the living room with him. I took the remote out of the couch cushions and turned on the TV. I flipped some channels and found X-Men Origins: Wolverine. It was the beginning and I laughed," You remember this movie Kuma?"

He nodded," We've been there." He got comfortable on top of me and we both watched.

After the movie I had nothing else to do. I checked my phone and didn't see any messages or anything and that just made me feel worse. I sat on my bed and sighed," No one even texted…" I lay down on the couch and stared up at the ceiling," Even Papa forgot?"

Kuma stood next to me on the couch," What happened?" He asked.

"Everyone forgot again…" I said, kind of zoned out.

"Hmmm~" He mused," You should call someone."

"I don't want to be rude…I shouldn't go around calling people about that…Maybe I could just wait until next year." I said.

The afternoon was pretty much watching videos and movies and me trying not to dwell much on them forgetting.

Around 7:00 pm my doorbell rang. I got up, not expecting anyone of course and opening the door.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

My eyes widened," Prussia?!" I stepped back," When- wha- why did you-" I couldn't speak. I was completely shocked and could barely think let alone speak. How did he even find my house?!

Completely un-phased he walked forward, hugging me," Hallo! It's great to see you again Canada!" He said, pulling back and holding me at arms-length. He was grinning widely.

My face was burning so much I felt like it was on fire," Wh-Why did you come?" I asked, really wanting to know. Was it really because he wanted to see me?

"Didn't mein bruder tell you at ze meeting? I vanted to see you again. And I vanted to ask you somezing."

"What is it?" I tried desperately to regain my composure and not act so stupid.

"I vanted to ask if I could move in vith you." He said. He sounded pretty confident I would say yes.

I thought for a moment. Living with Prussia? Like him as my tenant? I might get to know him better and maybe even get over my feelings if I was always with him. Oh the thought of spending all of that time with him almost made me swoon. I regained control of my mind," If it's okay with you, sure." I said, my voice not as strong as I wanted it to be.

He grinned wide," Really?! You're serious?! Danke Matthew!" He shouted, pulling me to him and hugging me tightly. He ran back to a truck parked in my driveway and took a suitcase out of it," I Just packed zhese. I don't need much." He said. He took the case into my house and dropped it by my feet. He ran up the stairs, grinning and ran around. I could hear him shouting but I couldn't make out many words.

"Prussia?" I called out, though with how my voice is pretty soft in general it wasn't that loud.

He ran back down the stairs to me, still grinning widely and hugging me tightly again," You are so awesome! And you know I don't mess vith ze word awesome." He said as he pulled back.

I turned red when he hugged me again and looked at him," Does your brother know you're here?"

He smiled, looking a bit mischievous," He doesn't know I packed." He said with a smirk. "He zinks he can boss me around. I'm going to show him he can't! Hahaha~!" He laughed heartily at the end.

"Is this just to upset your brother?" I asked. If it was then maybe he shouldn't stay for too long, I didn't want to cause any problems.

"Vhat? No. He's already very upset vith me…I got into his beer cellar and broke some stuff of his…it was fun zough." He laughed," You should have seen his face!" He said," When I told him I wanted to see you today he almost pushed me out ze door."

"Oh…Do you think he won't want to see you for a long time?" I asked, he might get over it quickly.

"Actually, I've lived in many different places ozer zhen mein bruder's house…He seems to like being rid of me…none of zhem vere as nice as your house zough." He said looking around," Ze last place was Russia's…I do not vant to go back zere…" He shivered slightly.

"Are you okay?" I asked, taking a tentative step toward him.

He looked at me," Ja, I'm fine." He smiled at me," Danke Matthew. For letting me stay." He said, picking up his bag again.

"Let me show you your room…well I have a lot of them…do you want a room on your own hall or do you want to be in mine?" I had so much space sometimes I didn't know what to do with it. He could have his own entire hall if he wanted it.

"Can I see yours? Zat is where I went last time." He said, looking down at Kuma who was sitting on my foot.

"Hallo." He said to Kuma as he looked up at him," Vait, vhy are you sitting on his foot?" He asked Kuma.

"Because I want to." Kuma replied, not moving.

"He does that a lot…" I said and Kuma looked at me.

"Who are you?" He asked me.

I sighed softly," I'm Canada." I said.

"Vhy is he alvays asking you zat?" Prussia asked me, bending over and poking Kuma.

Kuma got off my foot and looked up at Prussia's 'Gilbird' as it hopped down his arm.

I took a step back and looked at the three of them.

Prussia straightened and looked at me," It's straight forward right?" He asked, shifting his large duffel bag.

"Yeah, and I can carry that for you if you want." I offered, wanting to be a polite host.

"Nien, I can carry it." He started up the stairs in front of me like he already knew where he was going. And maybe he did, he seemed to have a very good memory so why not.

I followed him half-way down the hall before he stopped. He was looking around at all of the doors," Vhich one vas it?" He said aloud. I

I wasn't sure if he was thinking out loud or asking so I waited for a moment.

He turned to me," Do you remember?" He asked me," Zhere are so many rooms." He said, looking around a bit again.

"Well, almost all of them are available and most of them are that same size. I have a few bigger ones if you want one of those." I said, stepping a bit closer to him.

"You have even bigger rooms? Mein gott! Vhere do you even get all of zis space from!" He exclaimed.

"Well, I just have a really big house…" I said, and it's true," When I was little I used to get lost in here." I started to walk down the hall with him behind me.

"I see how you could get lost in here…" He said as I stopped at one of the doors.

"This is the other largest room in this hall. It's one of the biggest rooms in my house. You can have it, it's a guest room." I said, opening the door.

His jaw dropped," Vhat ze hell?! Zhis vas a guest room?! It looks like a suite!" He threw his bag in and ran in after, looking around," It has its own bathroom?" He asked, looking at me now.

"Yeah, I have some stuff in it you can use." I said, coming in after him.

"You are too nice…" He muttered, but I could hear him anyway. He turned to me again," Danke Matthew…You don't have to give me so much zough." He looked serious.

"Oh, but you're my guest. You deserve the best." I said, not thinking about how that sounded.

"Ze best? You really zhink so? Well, I _am_ zhe most awesome so I guess I do." He smirked as he said the last part," I know vhat I'm going to call my new place." He said, standing up straighter and pushing out his chest," New Prussia!" He exclaimed, grinning.

I smiled a bit, he looked very happy with it so I was too. Wow, living with Prussia…this was going to be interesting.

"I'm just going to put my zhings away and I'll be back downstairs." He said, coming over to me and hugging me," Danke again Matthew." He whispered in my ear.

My face flushed and still I don't know why I did it but I hugged him back," No problem…Gil..bert"

He pulled back and looked at me," Vhat did you call me?"

My stomach suddenly began to churn. Did I offend him? "Gilbert?"

"Nein, you called me something else…did you call me Gil?" He didn't look _too _serious but I still felt a bit nervous.

"S-Sorry…I didn't mean to offe-"

"Offend me? Nien, I like that name…Only from you zough…If anyone else calls me zat I probably von't like it as much…I have a name for you too." He said.

"Really? One for me? When did you think of that?" I was curious now.

"Ja, Birdie." He said, smiling," I'll call you Birdie and you can call me Gil. Ve can be friends since I'll be living here. Is zat okay vith you?"

I blushed a bit and nodded," Sure. But, I'm just curious…When did you think of that nickname for me? Just now?" I did want to know so why not ask.

"Oh, actually I zhought of it a vhile ago. Vhen you vere littler. You vere alvays around France kind of like mein Gilbird and I zhought it fit you. I never really got to hang out vith you zhough. Vell, now I can right? Ve can go out and do stuff! It'll be fun!" He smiled and walked a bit closer to me," Ve should go out tonight! Are zhere any bars nearby?" He asked.

"Well, I know there are some I just don't go to them…I don't drink…" I said. I _really_ didn't want to repeat what happened last time.

"You don't? Vhy? Do you not like it?" He asked, looking confused now.

"Well….My body doesn't handle alcohol well….I always end up really sick.." I said, fumbling with my hands a bit. I didn't know if it was just me but he seemed to be getting closer to me.

"Really? So zhat's vhy you got so sick last time…." He nodded,"Okay…is zhere somezing else ve could do?"

"No, I'll go but I won't drink that much…I mostly just drink virgin…"

"Oh, so ve can go tonight?" He asked, coming closer to only a couple feet away from me.

I nodded," You're moving in...We should celebrate."

He grinned," Zhen ve can go!" He started to walk toward the door.

"Wait? You can put your stuff away...I was going to make dinner. We could go out after if that's okay with you." I suggested, trying to ignore how I just sounded like I was asking him.

He stopped," Ja, you're right. I'll get ready. When I'm done I'll go back downstairs okay?"

I nodded again," Yeah, sounds like a plan." I said, and started to walk out past him.

He went past me and back to his duffel bag.

I went into the kitchen and took some stuff out for making fish. I seasoned a cut of swordfish, Kuma coming into the kitchen and watching me. I took out my glass pan and set the oven to preheat. As I went about the kitchen I heard footsteps coming toward us. I turned down the radio where I had some classical music playing and looked down the hall.

He was grinning still and walking toward me. "Vhat's cooking?"

"Oh, I was making fish. Did you put everything away? Do you need me to clean up for you?" I asked, going back to the counter and checking the pan.

"Nein, I can keep my room myself. Bruder made sure I alvays did." He rolled his eyes as he said it.

"Well, I already keep the house so I won't be a problem…" I said, opening the oven with a mit. The scent of spices and cooking fish filling the room when I did.

He inhaled,"Mmmm~! Smells good! You're a good cook." He said, coming over to me and looking over my shoulder at the fish.

I blushed," You can sit…I-If you want…"

He looked at me," Huh? Oh sure." He sat at the table with Kuma, watching me.

I finished cooking a little bit later. He didn't move from his spot and when I turned to get something he was just staring off into space. I plated everything and put it out. "It's done. Are you hungry now or do you want it later?"

He blinked and sat up," Vhat? It's done?" He asked, looking at me. His little yellow bird, which had been resting on his head, suddenly flew up.

"Yeah, everything's done." I replied.

Kuma pawed at my leg," I want some~" He said to me, looking up as I looked down.

"Okay." He stood and followed me to the dining room. "Just a question, how many of zhese rooms do you actually use?" He asked as we sat across from each other.

"Well, I've furnished all of them over the years….I don't really use that many of them since I live alone with Kuma." I replied, cutting a piece.

He speared a chunk of it and ate it, smiling," Mmmmm~! Vhere did you learn zhis? I vant to make it like zhis!" He ate another piece.

I smiled, albeit shyly, and nodded," I like to experiment. I can show you the seasoning for this recipe sometime if you want me to. It's not a problem."

"Danke!" He grinned and we ate the rest of the meal in pretty much silence.

When we were done I cleaned up and started to go back to the mudroom. "Do you want to go to a club or bar?"

"You know? How about we do somezing different…scary! Like go into ze woods!" He grinned," Vhat do you think?"

"Sure. I know these woods too well to get lost so you don't have to worry about that." I replied.

"Ja, okay. Show me." He gestured out the door.

I went out and he followed me. I went around to the backyard and he stopped, looking around.

"Vhere on earth do you find all of zhis space?!" He asked. The summer sun was beginning to go down and bathed everything in a orange-red glow. It was always so beautiful.

"Well, I just really have a lot of space…I don't really know what to do with a lot of it…" I said, looking around at the vast yard.

"I vant to see zhese voods! Are zhey really so dark at night?" He asked.

"Well, yes. It doesn't really bother me though…"

"I vant to see!" He grabbed my hand and started to run toward the gate in my fence.

I blushed a bit and ran as well, running next to him.

We got to the gate and I went in with him next to me. I will _never_ forget what happened in those woods that night.


	9. Chapter 8

**WARNING~! BoyXBoy, Personified Countries, bla bla bla you know the drill~ Thank you~! 3**

Chapter 8

The summer night air was slightly cool and there was a breeze as we entered the woods. He was still holding my hand but had stopped running and was now looking around, taking everything in.

"Zhis whole place is yours?" He asked, looking around and not at me.

"Well, technically it is." I replied.

"Vhen vill zhe sun go down?" He was still kind of dragging me along with him.

I jogged forward a bit to catch up with him and matched his pace. "In about 10 minutes."

"It all looks so pretty…Ve should go out vhen it's like zhis." He looked down where the path split into three and looked back at me," Vhere do you zhink ve should go?"

"Well, I know down here-" I pointed straight ahead," I have a treehouse."

He grinned," Really? I vant to see zhat!" He started to run again, dragging me along with him.

I didn't want to trip so I started to run with him. I couldn't believe that even after all this time he was still gripping my hand. Part of his tight grip may be from running but my hand was starting to get sweaty. I tugged it a little, hoping the run would keep him from noticing. I blushed a bit as I noted that the more I pulled the more his grip tightened.

He looked over at me, slowing a bit before stopping and let go of my hand.

I was about to say something when he suddenly took off in a sprint. I was stunned for a few seconds before I began to run after him," Gil!" I felt a bit strange saying it but I knew he very well may get lost. These woods were huge I knew and he could get hurt if he couldn't see where he was going. I looked up and saw the sun was going down faster so I buckled down and sprinted. I could just barely see him since I'd been going slow and he was fast. Something kicked in inside me and I ran faster. He was fast but I knew I could be faster.

We both ran, him always a bit in front of me, around trees and over roots. His swift pace didn't falter once and he didn't trip over anything despite his inability to see through the darkness. I was so focused on him that I tripped on a rock and fell on my face. It didn't hurt that much and I looked up," Gil! Wait!" I called after him.

I heard his voice faintly as I got up. He was going fast still and not stopping," You have to catch me Birdie!"

I got up and started to run again. It wasn't really tired and this chase had me full of adrenaline. I got to the clearing with my large treehouse and looked around for him," Gil?" I called out," Did you get hurt?" I walked around, looking for a figure and finding none. My stomach churned and I was really getting worried. What if he fell? What if he really hurt himself? I started to look around more frantically before pausing, panic never helped with anything. I took a quiet deep breath, listening for any movement and heard none so I kept walking. I looked up at the large treehouse. It spanned about 3 to 4 trees; it had been a true project and took a few years to complete. I did have some pride in the fact that I built it and smiled a little. Then it came to me, he said he wanted to see it, maybe he was hiding out in there. I walked to the house and climbed up the ladder quietly. The latch to get in was animal-proof but was easy for someone to get in. He could very easily scamper up the ladder and hide in it so it was a possibility. I could also see more from up here so I may be able to spot him. I got up and closed the door under me. I looked around in the dark, not turning on a light. I built this place and knew every inch of it so if he was here I should be able to find him fairly quickly. I walked through one of the rooms leading to a bridge that connected the parts of it and heard a creak behind me where it sounded like the balcony. I turned around silently, almost holding my breath and walked back to where a pair of French doors opened to the balcony overlooking the river.

The moon was bright and illuminated the slightly moving waters of the large mass of water as it slinked across the land. It was always so beautiful, especially on bright nights like this.

I opened the doors and began to walk to the edge. Halfway there I heard another creak behind me and I whipped around. A dark figure descended on me with a loud laugh and knocked me to the floor.

His wide smile was half visible to me with the light coming from the river side. "You couldn't find me Birdie~" He said. "I have to punish you now." He purred with a smirk.

I felt my face burn," P-Punish me?" What was he going to do?

I felt his hands, which had been on the floor propping him up move to my sides. With his fingertips he grazed both of my sides at once.

I shuddered and started to laugh. I wasn't normally ticklish and he seemed to know exactly where it would affect me most. I put my hands up to push him away a bit but he didn't move.

He dug his fingertips lightly into my sides and I squealed, unable to help it.

I opened my eyes and saw he was smiling," You seem to enjoy your punishment." He said, his voice a low purr.

I felt my face burn more as he tickled me and shifted his leg.

He fell on top of me and our lips met.

Both of our eyes flew open wide and I could've sworn he blushed a bit too. I don't think I've ever blushed so darkly in my life.

A jolt shot through my body and I still can't quite describe how it felt. But I know I will never forget the feeling of it. The feeling of my first real kiss.

He pushed himself up quickly, tripping over my feet and falling again.

Without thinking I got up and hoisted him up.

We both stared at each other for several moments.

He took a step toward me and I backed up. He kept walking toward me and I kept backing up until I felt the balcony edge against my back. I froze, still staring at him with my eyes wide.

He leaned toward me and put his hands against the balcony edge, leaving me with no way to escape.

I don't know what came over me, I couldn't have been thinking when I did it, but I put my arms around him.

He straightened and put his arms back around me, hugging me gently.

I hugged him tighter for a moment, savoring the feel of him pressed to me, before I let go. I slipped out from his hold on me and ran put past him. I turned quickly and went to another smaller balcony where I'd put a swinging rope and jumped onto it, swinging and leaping off. I rolled on the ground and ran for the trees, going behind one and pressing my back to it. I still couldn't process what just happened and running seemed the only thing I could think of to be able to think for a moment. Something told me he would find me soon so I stopped myself from panting so loud and slid down, curling up into a ball to be less visible. Okay, what exactly just happened? I needed to process for even a few seconds if I could.

I was walking in the woods with him, holding his hand, when he suddenly took off and ran to the clearing where my tree house was. He hid in the house and tackled me when I got to where he was and tickled me until I squirmed too much and made him fall on me. And of course because our faces were so close we kissed by accident. I kissed Prussia...Accident or no it still happened and I still couldn't believe it. And to top it all off I wasn't thinking at all after and hugged him.

I snapped my head up when I heard rustling behind me. There weren't many leaves on the ground so it was hard for me to listen for him. I thought he was far enough for me to run so I jumped up and ran around the tree back toward the path. I saw quick movement out of the corner of my eye and before I could change direction I felt a weight on my legs and I fell. "Gah!" I fell on my face and felt the weight lift for a moment before I was turned over.

He pinned down my arms and straddled me, sitting on me and looking at me, his gaze was intense.

I squirmed, trying to get out of his grip but he had me firmly pinned to the ground.

"You're not going anyvhere." He stated," Vhat vas zhat?"

My head spun with him being on top of me after what had happened earlier and I didn't know what to say," Wh-What?"

"Ve kissed by accident and after you hugged me. You can't say zhe hug vas an accident."

I blushed, hoping the dark would make it less visible. I could see him with the moonlight and he could probably see me but the light made everything look silver. Even through my panic he still looked so beautiful…with his pale features in this light he looked almost ethereal. I tried to keep from staring so much when our eyes locked. Violet and red; god, why did he have to be so beautiful?

He smiled a bit," Don't vorry. I'm not upset at you." He laughed a bit and leaned closer to me, his face only a couple of inches from mine," But if you run from me I'll chase you-"He leaned even closer and whispered," And I'll catch you."

I trembled a bit," I-I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He pushed up and drew me up to stand with him.

As if I needed it to happen again I slipped and fell forward.

He caught me and held me to his chest as I recovered," Are you okay? You seem dizzy."

I was almost shocked at his sudden shift in mood and blushed madly as he held me. I pulled back as soon as I felt stable. I dusted myself off as a distraction and locked my eyes on the ground.

When I looked up a bit he was smiling and muttered something I couldn't understand.

"What?" I asked out of habit.

His smile shrunk a bit," Nozing. Just thinking a bit out loud. Do you know vhat time it is?"

I reflexively raised my wrist and saw I didn't have my watch for the hundredth time," I don't know…sorry."

He shrugged," Fine zhen." He started to walk back to the path. After a few steps he stopped and turned, looking back at me," Are you coming?"

I nodded," Y-Yeah, sorry." I caught up with him.

"You don't have to be sorry. You didn't do anyzhing." He started to walk with me.

I didn't feel like talking was necessary so I didn't say anything and just looked around.

"I'll race you home." He said, looking around at the shadow-y trees surrounding us. Some of them looked like they were reaching out to us and he broke a stick off a dead branch, trailing it across the ground.

I watched him, somehow mesmerized by him just being here, before what he said registered to me," Home?"

"Ja, home. You know, your house." He said, moving his arm and tapping my foot with the stick.

"You really think so?" I asked. Since as the saying goes: Home is Where the Heart Is and for me a house didn't necessarily mean a home. To have him say he felt at home with me really meant a lot.

"Ja, your house is one of zhe nicest I've gotten to live in…and I've lived in several. I haven't really had a real home since zhey made it official I vasn't a nation anymore…" He said, tapping my leg with the stick.

"I'm sorry…" I said honestly. "I see that they ignore or forget you too sometimes…" I said without thinking. Normally I would never say something like that. I shouldn't try to relate myself to him on something so personal. I almost never talked about how people treated me because it wasn't my place, let alone that fact that I thought we were really so different.

He stopped and turned to face me," I do know zhey ignore you and forget you. Even Francis does sometimes and he's your fazer." He came closer to me and put his hand on my shoulder and smiled a bit," Maybe ve have zhat in common." He patted my shoulder and smiled more.

"You really think so?" I smiled a bit, not blushing at his touch for once.

"Ja, of course. I came to you because I vanted to stay vith you."

Did he really? I didn't want to let the idea come into my mind at the time but now it just felt like I couldn't help it, could he maybe, just maybe, have feelings for me too?

"You wanted to…live with me?" I asked, somehow I was unable to believe he really did want to.

"Ja, I did. I do zhink your house is awesome!" He put an arm around me and rubbed my head.

Every time he touched my curl I flinched a bit, trying to suppress it. I blushed a bit but found myself smiling anyway. When he let me go I straightened," Do you still want to race?" I offered, still smiling.

We raced back, getting to my house out of breath and laughing. He both collapsed on the lawn and rolled over, gazing up at the beautiful, star-filled night sky.


	10. Interlude

**Interlude**

And now I can't look back on those bright memories without tears. I had been so happy and yet I never thought once that happiness could have been as fragile as it is.

I let too much happen too fast and now I've paid the price. Now I understand why I must be wary. I understand why I can't just let someone mean so much to me.

I would never have expected _anything_ that's happened in the past year, and honestly can no longer look upon that phrase with fondness. Admittedly, I don't regret all that happened. The happy moments were some of the brightest and best of my life. The euphoric feeling throughout all of it was absolutely wonderful. And I guess that's why everything hurts now.

I never meant for any of this to happen this way.

I never meant to get so attached.

I never meant to drive him away.

It's killing me now to know what I've done wrong.

I realize there is so much I don't know. So much I _didn't _know.

I didn't know my invitation would be the beginning of so much. I didn't know having him would be so marvelous, so incredible, such a huge part of my life.

I didn't know that losing that would leave me so empty.

I don't know why I'm writing all of this down. I don't know why I'm documenting everything. I don't know where I'm going from here.

What I do know is, deep down, I wish I didn't know anything at all.


End file.
